Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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