brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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