i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.