billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
