i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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