So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
