I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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