just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
