is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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