I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
