dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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