dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I will pee on everything he values.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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