Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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