his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
