didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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