he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
