i don't like sucking hair
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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