is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
