i was born a porn star she said
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
