I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
