God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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