At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
