To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
