$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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