well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
