I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
