so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
