is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
