I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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