Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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