I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
