Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
