Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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