I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sorry about my life...
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