She said her name was "party"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
