apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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