College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
