Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
