No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
