I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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