tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
