i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
