i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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