Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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