i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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