I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
