She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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