I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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