worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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