who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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