I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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