i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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