When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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