True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
