Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
