His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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