Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
