I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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