He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
