I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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