i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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