her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
