We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
