Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
