I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You can't special order awesome
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
