did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
