"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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