fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
