I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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