He kissed a someone with a penis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
