If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
