he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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