I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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